Embers
by Kerouac's Apprentice
Summary: Short ZanderCourtney one-shot. Following Jason’s refusal to stop Sonny from going after Alcazar. JourneyZEm-ish


Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.  
  
Title: Embers  
  
Author: CrimsonSwan  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Short Zander/Courtney one-shot. Following Jason's refusal to stop Sonny from going after Alcazar. Journey/ZEm-ish  
  
Author's Note: I realize this format is slightly Mala-esque (sorry Mala!). Anyway, the one-chapter fic kingdom totally belongs to her. She's one of my favorite FF authors and I love her short pieces, so I decided to try one of my own. I always thought the Zander/Courtney pairing could work, so tell me what you think!  
  
Zander Smith stood on pier, laughing inside.  
  
He was a fugitive; always had been, always will be...he couldn't defy  
his nature. He was a fugitive from life, from pain, and from stupid  
normality like family and love.  
  
And he would never love again after Emily.  
  
Even on those nights when he'd get a flash of feeling for Faith while  
lying next to her, her blonde hair spilled on the pillow, looking so  
peaceful as she slept...but those were always wild feelings, probably  
egged on by the drugs pervading his system and his mind. Emotions ran  
roller coaster rides after a fencing match with acid or Oxycontin. He  
even saw Faith turn into Medusa once, in her bed. Her hair had turned  
into snakes that hissed in his face and he'd gasped aloud...a sound  
that Faith had taken for granted, given their position at that moment.  
But Faith the villainous Black Mob Widow resembled Medusa more than  
any other woman Zander had ever encountered.  
  
Faith meant nothing to him.  
  
Emily, however, had been different. She'd caused his soul to rise and  
fly, and he'd always felt like a dove instead of a vulture, an eagle  
instead of a penguin...with her. He could soar with her kisses, her  
embraces, and she lit a warm, cozy fire inside of him every time she  
smiled.  
  
Somewhere along the line that fire had turned into an unquenchable,  
jealous blaze so uncontrollable that Zander couldn't see what he was  
doing. He couldn't see, and couldn't feel, even when Nikolas  
Cassadine's blood was all over his hands and Emily's shrill, high-  
pitched shrieking told him he'd just done something heinous. Faith's  
inconsequential orders weren't enough of an excuse. Now Emily was in  
Nikolas' arms, and hated Zander. Zander Smith was always the cause of  
his own demise.  
  
So Zander stood on the pier, laughing inside-humorlessly, at himself.  
  
And a young woman with long, pearly blonde hair approached him, with  
that same hollow look in her sapphire eyes.  
  
Courtney Morgan's husband was a killer.  
  
She'd thought at first that she could deal with it; it was all right,  
and Jason Morgan himself was ultimately worth it, with those dreamy,  
brooding eyes and those bulging muscles, and those arms that could  
hold her tight and keep her safe and warm. So she lost herself in him  
and never gave his predator status a thought.  
  
Courtney Matthews, her old self, had used to be a naive, Dorothy-like,  
somewhere-over-the-rainbow china doll, with girlish dreams and  
teenager aspirations that had proved futile.  
  
She'd quickly gotten over that with AJ.  
  
Well, maybe it was before AJ. Maybe it was when she first found out  
her brother was a ruthless mob boss/kingpin who made people  
"disappear," and treated women like cattle. Maybe, even, before that,  
when she'd found out her real father wasn't "dead" after all, but was,  
in fact, quite alive. And then AJ.  
  
AJ, who she now knew was a dastardly coward-a drunk, useless bastard.  
When she'd been Courtney Quartermaine, she'd been clueless to the fact  
that for the first half of their relationship AJ had been using her as  
a pawn in his vindictive chess game against her brother. She'd stayed  
with him even after his drunken stupor on their wedding night, and his  
car crash that had, in due course, led to her short-lived stripping  
career. She'd become even more attached when he'd seemingly defied his  
entire family for her.  
  
And then came the stalking.  
  
It had scared her more than anything, and Janine's harsh words about  
the brutality of men had echoed in her head every step of the way. AJ  
had been "out of town," so she'd run like a scared rabbit to Sonny,  
who'd given her Jason.  
  
Jason.  
  
He'd started out as a bodyguard and slowly became more, slipping into  
her thoughts often enough to make her question her feelings for her  
husband. She'd fallen in love with her brother's enforcer, while still  
married to the pathetic drunk. And when she'd found out it was AJ  
doing the stalking, well...  
  
But Jason's arms, even then...especially then, had been comfort. The  
loft had been their haven, and their heaven. She remembered when those  
three words had finally escaped the candid, sometimes aloof Jason's  
lips: "I love you." It was funny how mere words could rock her so.  
  
One thing had led to another, and the two had eventually married,  
rebelling against impossible odds. Courtney had promised to love Jason  
forever, and of course she would...  
  
But lately the dark thoughts had started their mutiny. When Jason had  
coldly refused to stop Sonny from committing murder, thus endangering  
the lives of the two nephews she loved so much...Courtney didn't know  
why, but this stabbed at her heart more even than AJ's stalking  
episode had. She had no safe haven to run to now, no relief from the  
doubts she was starting to feel about Jason.  
  
Courtney's husband was a killer.  
  
Zander and Courtney stood together on the pier, laughing at themselves  
inside for being so naive. The pain was too much to take, and neither  
had an antidote.  
  
Zander spoke up, more to himself and to no one than to Courtney:  
  
"Did you know I killed my brother?"  
  
Courtney shook her head. Tears welled up in her eyes, suddenly.  
  
"I love a killer."  
  
They looked at each other with sympathy, with shame, and with hate.  
  
"You love Jason, I love Emily. They're poles apart but overall, they  
can break hearts about the same."  
  
"They're brother and sister," Courtney mused.  
  
"Like you and Sonny," Zander observed.  
  
"Did you really kill your brother?" she asked.  
  
"In a way, yes," Zander replied. Courtney bit her lip and stared out at the water.  
  
"Tonight, Jason killed mine," she said softly, "...in a way."  
  
Zander chuckled-aloud, this time.  
  
"There are so many parallels in life," he remarked, "I guess we make them ourselves."  
  
"Do you think we can fix them?" Courtney asked, "If we want to hard enough?"  
  
Zander looked at Emily's brother's wife, her innocent eyes searching  
his with a kind of feeble hope. The kind of hope that, Zander knew,  
had been in his eyes when he'd asked Emily once and for all whom she  
really loved.  
  
"Sometimes it doesn't work that way."  
  
The frigid, early December air rustled Courtney's long blonde hair and  
sent an involuntary shiver through her. She pulled her coat more  
tightly around her. The light winter coat she'd packed when she'd  
moved out of the penthouse that afternoon obviously wasn't enough to  
wage war with nippy Port Charles weather. Zander noticed, and removed  
his own coat.  
  
"Cold? You want my jacket?"  
  
Reaching out took away from his ache, for a moment. He got a small smile in return.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Wrapped in Zander's jacket, which smelled strongly of winter and  
aftershave, Courtney felt just a little bit comfortable. Warmer.  
Safer.  
  
Looking at Courtney, his jacket draped over her shoulders, Zander felt  
a little less like an icy penguin and more, well, like an eagle. A  
dove.  
  
And they both smiled, laughing inside.  
  
0~:-) R&R!!! 


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